I once thought about taking my own life. On the outside, you would think I was fine, I guess that is why they say never judge a book by its cover. You never know what is going on inside. This was me, I looked like a good book on the outside, but on the inside I was depressed, so depressed I thought this world would be better off without me. I carried this thought with me for quite a long time. It was like this big dark cloud always over my head everywhere I went. The thought of suicide would just keep coming back, Satan would remind me that this would does not need Chance Nail. Most days I would cover the thought of suicide with video games then the next day it would be with friends, but this cloud of darkness was always there hovering over, like a storm was about to start. Then finally this thought became a planned action. Every way you could possibly think about endings one’s life had ran through my head. Then finally I had an Idea of how to accomplish my death: a note, a gun and I would be done, checking out of this life seemed more of a reality then life its self. Then I remembered as I was playing Halo one day a kid kindly rebuked me for saying the Lords name in vain. So, I said to myself that day it is either death or God must show himself real.
The morning of my plan to end it all went like this. I said to myself, God if you are real show up, if not, life is not worth living so I am done. I got on the bus that day heading to Mooresville High School, and I had a plan to ask all my teachers in class about God. With this being a public school they all danced around the question of God existence. In my young mind, I began to mock God and say, “See you’re not real”. After finishing up my day at school I came home with a plan to end it all. As I sat at the kitchen table pretending to do my math homework, I was thinking of the best place to kill myself. Asking myself, “Where would be the best place so they would not have to clean up such a mess?”. Suddenly, I heard a knock on the door that brought my attention back to reality. It was a Preacher. And at that moment, I knew God was real. Never in my life had a preacher showed up to my house, but that day was the divine moment I met Jesus Christ. After a couple of hours of this Preacher telling me that my sins have a punishment and that punishment is hell, I left the kitchen table, went to my room and cried out to God to save me. Since that day, I have forever been changed. Our motto here at the Boys home is this: God takes desperate, broken people and makes them beautiful.
The story above is about a long depression that started when I was young, it all started with the rejection of my earthly father. It took finding my heavenly Father to find true acceptance, this true acceptance is what changed a heart of stone into a heart of flesh. I also do not want people to think my father was a terrible man, he is not he just did not know how to be a dad. So, remember this your earthly family will always fail you, but if you fix your eyes on the North Start (Jesus) He can and will never fail you because He has always been, and His sheep hear His Calling. What a beautiful thing to walk in the unconditional Love of Christ.